Are you dreaming of a Happily Ever After?
My Pastor’s wife sent me some quotes about young women and what they should look for in a godly husband to share on our website. It has been on my heart to write about this topic for a while, so I’ve taken this as God’s prompting to share some of my own experiences and thoughts.
As young girls we grow up reading fairytales and watching disney films which inspire us to dream of our own “Happily Ever After”. Unfortunately in today’s society this notion does almost seem like nothing more than a work of fiction, and not something that is the norm. Divorce statistics tell us that 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce. The Australian Bureau of Statistics said in 2014 in Australia there were 121,197 marriages registered and 46,498 divorces granted. So does that mean “happily ever after” is an unrealistic expectation? I don’t think so.
In our culture we often put so much thought into planning our wedding and dare I say it, possibly not enough into the marriage that follows. All that meticulous planning, time, energy and care into one very special (but short!) day. I would like to encourage young women to direct those same energies into prayerful time for God’s direction on her future “Prince Charming” and work on becoming a godly young women.
1. Pray for God’s Provision and Direction
All fairytales have an author. I would encourage you to allow God to authors yours instead of seeking to write your own. Ask God in prayer to provide the right husband for you. After all, God is all knowing, all seeing, and possesses all wisdom. He knows all about you from the number of hairs on your head (Luke 12:7) to your innermost thoughts (Psalm 139:2) and He loves you. What better author is there to choose your Prince Charming?
You may be thinking this is great in theory but perhaps you are worried about waiting or trusting. Let me share with you my experience..
I trusted in the Lord when I was 16. I had always wanted to be a wife and eventually a stay-at-home mum. I was attending a small church and when I say small I’m not exaggerating – we had maybe 20 people that regularly attended our services. I was looking around and wondering where I would find my “Mr Right” seeing as he wasn’t already prepared and waiting for me amongst our small congregation. As I got older, I started to think perhaps I needed to change my church, or join a youth group from a different church, or look to the non-denominational bible study at university. As a result I did find young christian men…. but doctrinally they were different, or they weren’t the most ‘godly’ choice. I was already beginning to compromise because I thought I had to go out there to find my husband and my choices were limited. In the end, after meeting several of these young men my Mum and I agreed we needed to pray for God to raise up a husband that was right for me and wait.
So that’s what we did.. and God provided!
2. Make a list of Godly traits or important qualities of a husband
Before you think this sounds very clinical or like you are “shopping” for a husband, let me tell you why I think a list is a good idea. If you make the list prayerfully and objectively by looking through God’s word and seeking godly counsel BEFORE you meet someone, when you think God may have brought you Prince Charming you can look at your list. Some things on the list will be non-negotiable and some may be things you would like but aren’t necessary.
At the top of my list, was that my future husband needed to be a believer. If you are a young christian lady then this should be at the top of your list too. God’s word tells us that we shouldn’t be yoked together with an unbeliever.
2 Cor 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
Whilst this may seem obvious, you may meet someone who may be very nice and charming and who doesn’t ‘object’ to your faith, so you might think this will not be an issue and you may be tempted to compromise on this. Remember your list which you made BEFORE you met this person – if he’s not a believer, then he is not your God chosen Prince Charming.
Secondly, before you add “tall, dark and handsome” to your list, let me remind you that “beauty is vain”.
“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.”
I know this verse is specifically talking about women but I believe the concept applies to men as well. Proverbs tells us repeatedly that we should fear the Lord.
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge” (Pro 1:7)
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.” (Pro 9:10)
“The fear of the LORD prolongeth days” (Pro 10:27)
When we look for our Prince Charming it shouldn’t be essential that he makes us weak in the knees but that we can see he serves God and fears the Lord. I remember very clearly the first time I met my husband to be. My first thought when I was introduced to him was not “Praise God – I’ve finally found Mr Right”. In fact, my immediate thought was “ok this guy is a little crazy!” If someone had told me at that moment in time that I would marry this man I would have responded with “Yeh right!” and got out of there fast.
3. Let him pursue you
If you are praying for God to provide a husband, you will not need to go out and pursue him. When God raises up someone for you, he will seek you out. He will treasure you and value you.
4. Work on yourself
While you are patiently waiting and seeking God’s will for your husband you should use that time to prepare yourself. Is God working on you about an area in your life? Are you serving God in your present circumstances? Sometimes God does not give us things until we are ready for them. Focus on the things God has called you to do now while you wait.
5. Seek you parents advice and engage them in the process
Earlier I spoke of a list I made of husbandly qualities I would like in my future husband. I consulted my Mum over these qualities – after all she raised me and knew me better than anyone else so her advice and input was valuable. I know as a young person seeking your parent’s advice isn’t always the most popular idea but they do have a lot of wisdom and knowledge and they want what is best for you. Whether you like to acknowledge it – they know you, your flaws and often what you need. She was right in much of her advice that she gave me at the time.
I hope this is an encouragement to other young ladies to seek out God’s will and to trust and wait patiently on Him. When I did this in my own life, He raised up a husband for me who has proven himself to be faithful and loving. My husband asked me the other day if I would choose him if I could do it all over again and the answer is absolutely yes. I am so glad that I waited on God to provide and that I didn’t follow down the paths of my own engineering. It hasn’t always been easy but we have been happily married for 10 years and God is still writing our “Happily Ever After”.
I would like to encourage all the young christian women out there…
You are daughters of the King.. let Him choose your Prince in His perfect timing.